I'm deleting this live journal.
It's silly.

And i'm making a new one.
For venting and shit. Like this one.

But kind of like starting over.
Peace out.
Find my aim or yahoo if you want to follow me in my L.J. adventures.
Bye

i met a boy.
named liam.

he's cute.
and we kissed.

liam looks like johnnys ex.
johnny was with us.
so johnny had a breakdown because he thought of the kid.

i didn't know what to do.
i felt so horrible.

fucking gosh.

it was perfect! LIAM EVEN BROUGHT A FRIEND FOR JOHNNY!

who i thought was cute too.
and johnny likes him.

but he's scared.
<33333i love the big guy.





SO BACK TO THE KISS

It was nice =]
the whole night there was alot of tention.
the good kind.

hahaha we went to fridays in the mall and me and him sat across from each other.

and he rubbed his legs againts mine.
=]

after that i could stop smiling.
we went to fye.
and we saw ASHLEY LUDDEN <3333
i missed you hahaha!!!
i'm surprized you guys didn't make a fudge joke XD

but after that. i was going through cds and liam was following me
and it was really really cute.



BEST PART

we went to starbucks.
me and liam sat next to each other and it was like cuteness time a billion.
we held hands.
and then liams friend was like
"ok you guys the mall is closing soon. you have enough time to do it the bathroom"
my face was fucking REDDDDD.
but then we held hands and walked outside.
and the other guys pulled ahead of us.
maybe on purpose.

but then i pulled liam away from all the other cars.
and then i kissed him.

it was really nice. =]

because i can.

blah blah blah boring.

i love you amanda. i'd tell you but
i'm to lazy to open up livejournal.

we didn't do presents this year =/
we did last year.

but
blah what evs.

fuck boys.
fuck myspace.

things are better when they don't have to deal with the internet.

facing things head on is much better.


my new years resolution.

1:not to be sucha whiney bitch.
2:gain more controll of my emotion and actions.
((so i won't be miserable later on))
3:Get back to normal.

i miss the old me =/

since i realize frankiie nick trombetta, is a complete psychopath XDDDD

he cheated on me with MORE THAN 6 PEOPLE I FOUND OUT
i really don't care any more.
people will treat me better than that =]
logan does. =]

i might meet him tomarro.
johnny is taking me to the mall, and athena is coming too =D

i miss her, i haven't seen in forever. =] i
i'm excited =]


in the musical cabaret, i got the part i wanted =]
i'm bobby, the flamboyant waiter XD

fun stuff. is someone doesen't take the part they got, i'll get moved up too =]

dsbsdfajkbgsfkg

I TAP AND GET A SOLO <33333333

but yeah.

i like logan <3

frankiie cheated on me with more than 3 people now.

it's nice how the person who was in love with me can go around and fuck other people

what ever. i'm done with him. he's out of my phone book and i like someone else now.
i was up till 3:00 talking to logan.

this boy from bayshore. =]
we have alot of things in common.
and he is the sweetest thing to me.
=] <333

he's cute. but not like
amazingly hot.

but it's ok =] as long as he's not ugly as hell.
but looks don't really matter much.

i really like him.
i've only ben talking to him for a day and he already has my heart XD
i told him we should slow down. he told me he liked me too.
but we're gonna meet soon.
and cuddle <3333
and i'm so excited cause he can text <333333





ahhhhgdufjkfhfgnhng
i still can't get over the fact that he lied to me,cheated on me, anddd everythnig else.
he just didn't want me anymore.

he's a disgusting slut. just like matt. and they belong together.
if they want each other fine.
he probobly fucked matt while he was dating me too.
i woulden't doubt it.

what everrrr.
i'm done crying. he's so not worth it.

he's out of my phonebook.
and replaced by logan <3

haha it's funny
he's probobly complimented me more than frankiie has already. =]
and he has trhe cutest voice everrrrrr

and he promises he doesen't lie.
and i can call him whenever i want
and he won't yell at me.

i know more about him then i do about frankiie <3333

i'm happy

i like this boy in school
who is possibly straight.
idc.


i like this other boy who is 20 and he likes me.
but i'm not supposed to know so i can't talk to him untill he adds me.

=/

me and frankiie are over.
and it's killing me each passing day but what am i gonna do.
i've tried everything. and crying every night honestly isen't going to make me feel any better.
i need to face the facts.
that i won't have him the way i want him.
so i consider it over.

and i think i'm ok.
i mean after a whole month of feeling horrible.
i'm really excited to get to sleep early and not wait for someone to call me late at night.

i'm also really excited that i can catch up on my school work i decided not to do because i hated my life.


i get to be happy again too.

the only thing i can do now is wait for something to happen.

so yeah.

hi.

i still miss frankiie.
i'm a dead body in the play.

i got my haircut.
i still basically hate my life.

just thought everyone wanted an update.

since frankiie broke up with me.

it's whatever.

i'm usually either depressed or just don't have the will to do anything anymore. it's upsetting.
usually when i get off the phone with him i get really sad.
because yeah we still talk and say i love you.
wooo. fun. makes me feel so much better.

johnny kissed me the other day.
i told frankiie, he wasen't mad. and he wasen't sure if he was sad.
he said he's "glad i'm glad your moving on."
but i'm not.

things with athena are fine.

homecoming was alot of fun yesterday.
ian tully can dance XDDDDDD
it was awesome.

i wanna be a candidate for homecoming king.
hahahah =] i do.
it probobly won't happen. but. you know.

i'm done for the day.


oh i might go the home coming game later.

so yeah.

frankiie broke up with me an hour ago.

and i've ben crying for an hour.

yeah. it hurts more than what i was already feeling in the relationship. i would much rather stay together and feel like shit, than be apart and feel like shit.

i logged on to livejournal for the purpose of venting, not to hear anyones apologies.
i fucking knew it was coming. so what ever.

i saw one of the pictures of us.
and i started crying even harder.

it's not even like we're over for good.
but it still is really hard.

and i can't do it.

i really really don't want to go to school tomorro.
i really don't.
but my dad will probobly make me.

MY FUCKING DAD IS WATCHING ME FOR A WEEK!
worst time ever. seriosly.

what did i do?
i never hurt anyone.
i didn't cheat on anyone
i never fucking killed anyone, or have done something illegal.
i'm a good kid.
why do i have to feel like shit?
how come the people who really diserve it smile everyday of there sad horrible lives.
and i'm stuck being there for people.
and now, i'm a crutch.


ok to be perfectly honest. i have ben an ass to alot of people. but i haven't ben so extreamly mean to kill or make them kill themselves. i try to be there when i can. if someone needs me, i'm there.


well.
now i have no boyfriend.
no best friend.
my mom is on a fucking buisness trip
and mr.c is a total asshole.

10th grade sucks.
i wanna graduate early and get the fuck out of highschool. i need to leave. i wanna go to college already.

tomorrow i have youth and government till 8.
i'm not getting home till 9. or at least i didn't last time.

so i have rehersal till 5. where i sit around and do absolutley nothing for 4 hours. then an hour of nothing. and then 2 hours of law making.
and then the next day rehersal till 5.
and then the next two days i'm probobly cutting rehersals.
once for no reason. the other to see frankiie.

we aren't broken up for good.
i'm scared.

i don't have anyone right now.
i feel like i have no freinds or anyone to help me.

it's hard.
it's really hard.

frankiie didn't hang out with matt.
so i'm happy. =]

and second.
i love hearing frankiie say my name.
not like
perverted. yeah, thats nice too. but what i mean is,

we were at the mall sunday
and he doesen't feel comfortable with his sexuality
which bugs me a little but not too much. i don't want to force people to be someone they don't want to be.
or do i?
well anyway...
he kissed me
alot.
but the first time i was in shock.
i was really happy.
and he even actually grabed my ass.
and i yelled at him.
and he actually tried to grab something else after that.
but i woulden't let him.

HE'S SO BAD AND I LOVE IT!!!






he was trying on a shirt
and he said "i'm gonna look like jared."
his ex.
so i got mad and i said take it off.
and then when he asked why i got mad,
i said it's cause your not even dating jared and you still love him more than i do.
i'm jealous says rich.
and he's not with jared anymore.
he's with me now.

that makes me feel better.
i love frankiie
and he loves me

=] i need to get that through my head.

i can barely go 2 minutes without thinking of him.
since sunday i've ben coming home from school
and crying hysterically.

i can't stop.
i feel like we already broke up.
but we didn't.

i think we might tonight.
hold on... i'll try to call him.
^^^ 11:19



11:35 VVV
he picked up.
he told me
i was the best thing that ever happend to him.
he said all he ever wanted was to have someone that is always thinking about him, even when he's not thinking about him.
he said that he has ben treated like total shit. and it's nice to have someone like me.
and he said i love you.
and he really ment it.
he told me i was the best thing that ever happend to him.

he still doesen't know if we should break up.
or go on a break or what ever.

but i told him to wait a few weeks.
cause some crazy shit is gonna happen while my mom is in atlanta for her buisness trip.

i'm so glad we didn't break up.
he's gonna call me once he gets back to his dorm.
his friends were having a dance party.

lol.
i love him. before we got off the phone i was like

"Let's not break up. Let's stay together."

and he said "ok."

=]
plus we get to fuck on his roomates bed when i go up there.

lololol.

jk. inside jokish thing.

i get to see frankiie sundayyyyy =]]]]]

hahahaha i miss himmmmm <33333333333333
i'm staying home this weekend.
i sure am bored.
i wanna make plans...

maybe me and athena will chill.




=]
after sunday i'll post pictures, or just write something like...

"AAHHH I LOVE HIM BLABLAHBLAHAHAHAHA"

i'm such a faggot.

what the fuck.
i had the best day yesterday.
but i feel like total shit today.

like i'm scared.
and i feel like i'm gonna throw up.
=[
i don't know whats wrong with me. =[
It's not fair.
like before i could figure out what made me feel like shit.
But i can't now
so i can't even fix it.

i hate school. i don't like going when i'm this upset.
i love frankiie so much. he is so great. and he makes me smile so much.
he called me a cunt today.
man i love him. =] lol

hahaha omfg yesterday i think i sat on him wrong and i hurt his boy parts.
andd then he hit me
so i hit him back
and then we got into a fight.
lolololol =] i tryed to pin him down but he's toooooo strong!
and then we might a truce.
no slapping,hitting,biting
and kisses were manditory.
naturally. =]

=] i absolutley love this boy. after everything he's still gonna be there.
he told me he's not gonna break up with me.
and that one of the reasons he loves me is because he knows i won't fuck him over. =]
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i love himmmmmm <3333~!#$@%^^


athena thinks he is giving me a blowjob. lololol

walter was in my fucking house the other day.
ESPECIALLY WHEN I WASEN'T HOME!!!!!
if i was there i would have punched that mother fucker in his face.


i don't know why i hate him to the extent that i do. it's crazy.

i'm seeing frankiie tomarro i'm so excited.
i love him so much and i miss him =]

i honestly feel like we aren't going to last much longer. and i'm trying to make it work.
it seems like no matter how many times i complain to him
or how much i yell at him
he never thinks about breaking up.

he's amazing. =]
he makes me so happy.

i don't want it to end before it's barely started.




i talked with one of my heroes today. =]
kinetic kyle from washington.
he amazes me so much.
and he said he would totally be up for guest appearing in our gsa!!!
I WOULD GET TO MEET HIM!!!

omfg i'm so excited. =] he is someone i can look up to.
we actually had a conversation!!
HE TOLD ME NOT TO HAVE SEX WITH FRANKIIE <33333
it was nice. he told me him and his boyfriend haven't had sex yet.
which i really do admire.


anyway i'm done =]

today is tuesday. and i get to see frankiie on sunday.
i'm really worried. about something i can't really say on here.
i'm really glad tomarrow is going to be our last day of the week.
I'm really excited i get to see frankiie, and i'm really not sure how that is gonna turn out.
i'm being less crazy and calling him.
but like...

i still can't trust him fully.
after what happend it still hurts alot.
and i get it. he didn't mean to hurt me.
but he lied to me about it. and now im scared that
he's lying to me about everything now.

everytime he says
"I'll call you back."
I feel like she's gonna be there with him. and he gets off the phone, and then he says,
"Sorry about that babe. Now, Where were we?"
And the thought absolutley DISTROYS ME
And i can't help but think it. It hurts so bad.

Everytime.
Everysingle time he doesen't pick up the phone.

And i know that sounds kinda scary,
and like stalkerish.

But he told me he was in love with me.
I said it back.
And i fucking ment it.

And then she happend.
I know it wasen't her fault.

But i fucking hate her.
I hate her so much.
I wish the worst thing that could ever happend, Happens to her.

i wish she was never born.

but i dont want to tell anyone yet.

but amanda knows.

ill give off three hints.



first hint,
Me.

Second hint,

Something that has ben said before

Third hint,

Ciggarettes.




don't guess in comments. why spoil it for everyone else?

everything.

my throat
my heart
my head
my feelings

just everything.

why did school have to start now?
because i now i have to put on a fucking smile and pretend im ok with everything.

and im not.
im really not.

i hate the fact random people treat me better than my boyfriend does.
but like,
when im with him everything is so perfect.
i just need to give it time.
we are both under alot of stress.
and thats all =]


hahaha i just solved my own problem.

school is fun
i like my classes so far
i hardly know more than 3 people in everyone.
i hate nick astore
and nick geraci
and basically every other nick.

i talked to mrs.searing about the GSA
and she said that shes gonna talk to mr.feeny about it. and if i need to i get to represent the people =]

im so excited <3

List seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LiveJournal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.


im not doing a lj cut. so deal.


1 - The party scene, By All Time Low.

2- Meagan, By Bayside.

3- Rocketship, By Shiny toy guns

4- Caught in the rain, By October Fall

5- You're not alone, By Saosin

6- Down and out, By The Academy is...

7- Rainy Monday, By Shiny toy guns

its me and my

BOYFRIENDDDD LOLOLOLOL

love it.

but yeah im talking to him right now, hes mad at something thats hopefully not me. we are very happy. i am very happy.

im so in love with him. not even funny. =]
i couldent be happier.

ohnoezitsNICK (1:13:52 AM): im so in love with you, and im writing about you on my livejournal. so i got all happy and wanted to tell you <33333
Frankiie(1:14:02 AM): lol <3333


hahah that was like 3 seconds ago.

im so happy about my scheadule.

OH FUCKING AMANDA PRIOR IS GETTING ON MY LAST FUCKING NERVES.
shes taking my music. lolololol wrong move on her part.